I, II, III, IV, V, X, XV, XX, XXII, XXIII, XXIV

11 November 2005. Court Case. My long wait has been over. With any luck I may get to see Pixi again. I have not heard a word directly from her for over a year now. The little anti-anniversaries have lost their lustre. The court date has been set to the 23rd November 2005. I am informally offering odds of 7 to 1 that she does not pitch up. A thrifty bet would still profit at 100 to 1 odds against. I am a mixed bag of feelings, & yet my faith has never been stronger; indeed it has never been tested thus before. I have not been involved with any other women since I last touched my wife a year and a half ago when I last saw her face. It is ironic, that the New Zealand cricket team is currently in South Africa. I have an urge to go and disrupt the Test Match, but it would just be too complicated trying to fit a 33 000 word essay into a cricket banner. And besides, that just woudn't be cricket. Still, I may get desperate. I asked the lawyers not to relay any message to me from her so-called father's lawyer, as all I am interested in is seeing my wife personally, albeit in court. And the rest is just lies & deceit. Still they persist in telling me that my wife says that she has started seeing someone else, so I should allow the divorce, and not go to trial. Seems odd that they would try and convince me NOT to pay them. Can nobody see, that regardless of what is true & what is lie, that I have to see & hear her reason face-to-face? Why is that not an intrinsic part of marriage? Hell's teeth! I am told 9 out of 10 divorces 'just go through'. I can only hope that my lessons in Shakespeare have more intrinsic value than legal documents. The butterfly of romance, flies with the patterns of chaos, uneven, & unable to be predicted in its crazy & obscure path. It survives thus. All I want is my chance to state the truth: that my wife is being coerced into this divorce, & it therefore is not legitimate, and if she does not love me now, then she never has. Just a chance to see if its all true, face to face, eyeball to soul. My lawyer warns me that it will be a costly waste in futility. Then why is he a lawyer? Is truth about love futile? And costly? What is money? Money, ultimately, is the final material result of the pursuit of truth. By money, I am talking about an inheritted wealth that can manage to span more than a couple of generations. Money that is the direct result of the love of the truth which is embedded in the land, and the way that the earth under our feet is connected to the souls of our ancestors. And, this: love-truth-land-spirit-money, is especially the pursuit of romance & a beautiful future & Holy Devotion to Fidelity; to shun the ways of the infidel. Given all the lies that I have been told, I have not taken the talk of her seeing someone else as fact until I see it for myself. This burden, is the most difficult of all to carry: That she could start seeing someone else while still legally married. Is it possible someone that was once so close to me could be so callous? Or is this a feint within a feint? Another lie? And what a terrible one, if it is. How can I possibly even begin to tell after all that has transpired? One of my oldest friends laughed at me & said it was 'all just drama'. The same person who tried to dissuade our marriage in the first place, then insisted on coming to the wedding. He tried his luck on Pixi, but she turned him down. He also had extremely unpleasant remarks to make about his own grandmother as she lay dying. Is White society so cruel, that institutionalised extermination of the elderly has become completely normal, that it is an unsaid fact of life?? God, I hope not. And yet, this friend may be the one person that can somehow put the pieces back together. At least that was the premonition we all had at an Equinox party some 3 years ago as we prepared to leave for that dreadful place, New Zealand. Land of the last white racists. Our clay good luck travel-talisman exploded in the kiln. He did put it back together for us. Little piece, by little piece. I don't know where it is. Probably in the Chaos-room with all my wife's stuff. I don't go in there much. I think its haunted with her grandparents ghosts. Amongst others. And we dance before the shotgun barrels of love. I cannot imagine trying marriage or even love again if Truth does not prevail here. That is something she said to me a thousand times. I will never love anyone but you... sing the supermaket lyrics... If I fall in... Is no-one actually interested in rooting out corruption, for real? Have we forgotten the last 100 years of history? Is humanity so utterly stupid that it shoots itself in the head with such regularity that the institutions of justice are the very foundation of incest & social iniquity? I hope not. But, a blatantly evil man is consistantly abusing the legal process to ensure injustice based on countless instances of fraud, intimidation & theft. Even patricide & matricide. Can the legal process be the instrument of kidnapping? Because if my darling wife does not show her pretty face at the court case, & is being held against her will in a foreign place, working illegally under threat of violence so sever, she cannot even think of Truth & Grace, then what else can I believe? Do so many people live lies to such a degree that truth is an altogether shunned idea? Does 'until death us do part', actually mean, 'until I suck out your heart ?', or does it mean 'until my big nasty daddy says so & farts'? And do the courts, the representatives of God's justice, are they just one big rubber stamp for what is nothing more than institutionalised whoring? Dear George Bush & Osama Bin Laden. I wish you both well in your endeavour to bring God to the Godless. World Trade has been founded on the sort of blatant lies that epitomise the (lack of) social contract, that is my marriage. To what extent my wife has been lied to I can only guess. The bullcrap just keeps piling up around me. I found a letter from an old lawyer stating that I intend to resign from my own computer company! W.T.F. ? Way past the borders of ridiculous. I estimate my father-in-laws E.Q. to be about that of a 2 year old. I have known 2 year olds with a greater sense of social justice. I have in response learned to bowl the cricket ball with my wrong hand & I have almost finnished the Old Testament. Its even better than the Lord of the Rings! I have also discovered why the sky is blue, www.poseidons.net/why-is-the-sky-blue/why-is-the-sky-blue.htm I have also reinvented the wheel, & she flies. www.poseidons.net/air-wheel/alternative-flight.htm Read my final solution to aids I have been working on a coffee table book called Fractal Space Poetry www.2010-south-africa.org/cyber-art-images/cyber-art-TN/Fractal-poetry.htm But what good is it, that I own the world, if I have not love?

22 November 2005. The court case is to come. I stand as God's Judge, in judgement of the South African judiciary. I stand as the Truth that is fire of my tongue. The devil is all around me. But I hate him not. I wish to tame him.

25 November 2005. Anyone who took odds on that 100 to 1 bet earlier, can pay up, as I played his bluff, and my pretty darling wife did not pitch up as predicted. Legally I'm still married. Spiritually however... "... the nightmare glides on, like a December black swan..."

25 December 2005. AIDS A Philosophical Theory.

Appendix C: The New Zealand Immigration Department destroys my website critisizing them.

CLICK HERE
TO GO BACK TO PAGE 1